Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…and all the kings men had egg butties for a month

What a life saver!

The journey across the country to a valiant battle was aided by a Egg stuck on a wall who just so happen to slip, crack and be hard boiled. It was a great idea by the Bannerman to bread six thousand loafs of bread just in case this situation occurred. Meaning Humpty Dumpty was rather large. Maybe a keen gym freak? but that is a rather eggtravagant idea.

Who is this king? well its….

that’s right, this daft kid feasted for a month on Humpty Dumpty. Feel sorry for a egg to go around the digestive system of a Arrogant spoilt useless reckless little douche bag.

Many people say Joffrey Baratheon is the one who pushed Humpty but to this day this can not be proved.

Its a shame Humpty wasn’t made of a poisonous cake.

the Lion, the Witch and Tony the Taliban dentist

Surely the last person you would go to with a teeth problem would be a Taliban dentist right? Well….. apparently not.

According to the Lion, a Taliban dentist is the perfect place to go. Maybe because with the size of his teeth a bomb is less painful than your normally tools when removing a tooth. My opinion is that the Lion only goes there because he likes the sign at the front of Tony’s surgery.

It reads: its greeeeeeeeeee…..nade.

Tony the tiger is not happy about this clear attempted to copy his slogan  And if frosty’s start sponsoring Tony the Taliban dentist his depression of being a cartoon tiger will kick in.

The Lion in question……

Maybe he needs a Al Qaeda hair dresser instead…… atleast that’s not PERMinent…..

The witch on the other hand hates Tony the Taliban dentist as he only works on teeth and not noses as she has wanted a reduction for years. She quite frequently trips over it…and when she gets the flu she wakes up in a puddle of snot and gunk practically swimming.

So who is the man behind this argument between the Lion and the witch and who is right? sure people would favour the witch right? even if her nose might put you off.

Well… here he is…

but he does have a hobby to keep his mind of work…..

Did you hear what Amber Heard, heard?

Well she isn’t deaf so she heard everything. Well, everything within a 5 foot radius at least anyway. Unless Mr Depp was just rabbiting on about pirates and therefore here selective hearing takes its toll.

Miss Heard, soon to be Mrs Depp is popular actress is future looks rather bright or that could be Mr Depp’s cataracts and he is starting to get on abit….. unlike Amber is only 28 years of age and going strong in the world of film.

Some of her films include:

Pineapples expresss

rum diary (also staring Mr Depp)

drive angry

never back down

all the boys love Mandy Lane

Heard was born and raised in Texas. Her father, David, is a contractor, and her mother, Paige (née Parsons), is an internet researcher for the state.  At the age of 16, her best friend died in a car crash and Heard, who was raised Catholic, subsequently declared herself an atheist after being introduced to the works of Ayn rand by her then-boyfriend. She has said of Rand, “I’ve read all of her books. Ever since then, I have been obsessed with her ideals. All I’ve ever needed is myself.” Dropping out of school at the age of 17, she went to New York to start a career in modelling, then relocated to Los Angeles to get into acting.

So hats of to Amber who at her young age has had a great start to her career.

We need some more Amber! :)

Nicki Minaj AKA lyrical moron goes to the beach….again

How does Nicki get to the beach? Starship maybe….
I guess if they are meant to fly she should get there pretty quickly depending on what beach she is going to and what her current location is and if she is close to a beach why bother to fly there?
Cant be good for the environment Nicki you selfish green haired troll doll.
Also she is famous so why on earth would she need to go the beach to get a wave? and if you found a bud light there why would you pick it up and drink it!???!!
Flith! it could of been there that long she could use it as hair dye.
“is it two, three leave a good tip”   what……
firstly it starts a one nicki and three is followed by four just in case you weren’t sure and as rich as you unbelievably are you need to tip more.
“I’m on the floor, floor
I love to dance
So give me more, more,
‘Til I can’t stand”
Now Nicki.. .really?
Firstly if your on the floor you aren’t standing are you…
And as for dancing I don’t think opening and closing your legs regularly counts.
“Starships were meant to fly
Hands up and touch the sky
Can’t stop ‘cause we’re so high
Let’s do this one more time
(Oh oh, oh oh)”
Yes they are meant to fly if yours doesn’t go to tatooine and get a t14 hyperdrive generator from wato and what are we doing one more time exactly?
By the sounds of your OH OH OH OH you are doing a dyslexic Santa Claus again.
I’m sure Mrs Claus will love that!
“That’s our life, there’s no end in sight”
Yes there is.
“Now everybody let me hear you say ray ray ray
Now spend all your money cause today’s pay day”
Who’s Ray? and I’m sure he wont be happy about your financial management skills.
“Get on the floor, floor
Like it’s your last chance
If you want more, more
Then here I am”
Why is it my last chance to get on the floor?
Is the ground going to open up and I have to float for the rest of my days?
P.S I don’t want more.
“We’re higher than a motherfucker”
Surely mother fucking only ever occurs on game of thrones or the Jeremy Kyle sand most of them are high in all fairness. you got this one slightly right Nicki.
Hats off to you, you lyrical moron. :)

King of the Dwarf

So, who is the king of dwarfs? The right answer is Peter Dinklage of course.

Peter Dinklage AKA Tyrion Lannister is best known for his work in game of thrones as part of the incest baby making rich dominant Lannister clang although he isn’t like the other members of his family.

Before and since game of thrones he has had many big roles in the acting business including films the likes of Death at a funeral, Sesame street, X-men and Lassie.

Peter is actually quite tall for a dwarf being 4ft 5 inches and being from New jersey USA I can imagen he must of had some stick growing up before the fame hit him.

In 2005, Dinklage married Erica Schmidt, a theatre director, and they had their first child in 2011. The family lives in New York city When asked about his height in a 2003 interview, Dinklage said:

“When I was younger, I definitely let it get to me. As an adolescent, I was bitter and angry, and I definitely put up these walls. But the older you get, you realize you just have to have a sense of humor. You just know that it’s not your problem. It’s theirs.” In 2012, New York times interviewer asked Dinklage whether he saw himself as “a spokesman for the rights of little people”. Dinklage responded: “I don’t know what I would say. Everyone’s different. Every person my size has a different life, a different history. Different ways of dealing with it. Just because I’m seemingly okay with it, I can’t preach how to be okay with it. I don’t think I still am okay with it. There are days when I’m not.”

Peter has also been a vegetarian since the age of 16.

long live Peter.



Its nice to see Scarlett Johansson in a lead role again which she plays rather well. Some may say that with a male lead the film could of been improved but the fact that it is a women puts a spin on the action genre and makes its more desirable to watch for both male and female film fans.
This has also worked with Zoe Saldana in the losers and colombiana, Angelina Jolie in the tomb raiders and mila Jovovich in the resident evils.
If you are 20 minutes in to the film and you’re thinking of turning it off or leaving then don’t because believe me it does get better.
In them first 20 minutes I wouldn’t blame anyone for finding it disappointed as there is no explanation as to why Lucy’s boyfriend has the case of drugs in the first place. Who he is? or where he came from?
However if you move past that and past those first 20 minutes and you like a bit of blood, death and fighting then you wont be disappointed as Lucy sets out to find the group of Asian gangsters to implanted this drug inside where which allow her to access more of her brains than usual as she will eventually die when 100% of her brains becomes accessible.
Killing pretty much all of them in the process Lucy succeeds in her plan but her guaranteed death does arriving. Well at least in human form anyway.
Morgan freeman (now 77!) also plays a vital role in the movie as Lucy seeks out information from an expert professor Norman.
He and Scarlett are both in the final scene which see’s Lucy unlock the mystery of life at the cost of her own.
I give this film 7/10
Scarlett Johansson has defiantly become a more daring actress in recent years and I do believe we are going to be seeing this Danish beauty a lot in the near future.

F*#k the Burger king by Sandor Clegane

Surprisingly the hound doesn’t like burger king, even with the chicken burger included in his meal. Its “not real chicken” apparently. Before he sleeps at night he has to say the name of the company because he doesn’t know the name of all the staff that work in his local store. ” burger king burger king burger king  zzzz……”

The fries… don’t get the hound started on the fries. As a child Gregor and himself ordered a large number of fries after a long day of murdering. The rumours that Gregor put his head into the flames to get that scar of his are wrong. It was actually these fries which were still to hot to eat which Gregor through at his face as a joke.

Yet another reason why he is not finger licking good at his people skills. Before killing a person the hound asks the victim if they like burger king. If they answer no then he may just break there legs.

Fuck the burger king.